I’m reading your poems and I’m looking for me.

I’m turning over stones and I’m searching for us-

I’m opening snapchats

Breath caught in my chest,

I wrote a new poem,

Let’s see it.

Let’s see our year:

This time,

These fights,

Our love:

Let’s see that power she triggered.

I thought for sure

In your happiness,

You’d write about me for once, too.

I know I sound bitter,

I’m crazy they have you,

What I’m asking for’s extra, extra.

Need more than to know it,

Need more than to feel it,

Want to, so badly

Print reassurance,

I’m waiting to

read all about it.

You Are Not Yourself, Maybe You Never Will Be

Find a girl who wrote emails to screenwriters,

Hoping to learn their craft.

Find a girl whose name rang out in hallways,

…yes, i won awards, yes i was the big fish just like you were…

Find a child who wasn’t afraid of herself

Who didn’t find FL/A}SHBAC(KS!

Who didn’t scream FLASHBACK

Who couldn’t inhale but could breathe.

Bring me Alicia who used to

Used to was better at loved to

Had something she loved

Besides loving a person,

Who had enough love for everything.

Find me the version that dreamed of this thing

That has ruined the person who dreamed.